I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
