normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
