drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
