i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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