Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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