Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
