I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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