In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
