im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I look better un-naked...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
