yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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