Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize