Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
