I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
