And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
