i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize