Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
