Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize