I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
