farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
