So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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