Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
