Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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