Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We're facebook friends in real life
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
