sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
do herpes really smell.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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