i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Shame - the story of my life.
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