well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
