how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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