I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
