it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
