I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
