Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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