I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
