you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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