Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
