alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
