just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
