Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
