if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
