Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
