you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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