Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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