Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
