Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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