At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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