god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
