wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So much rum. So many feels.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
