flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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