so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't turn off my feet"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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