The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
