So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
