Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
