If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
