if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
