i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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