puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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