i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dicks are not precious.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
