I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize