forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
