Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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