let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize