Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
