Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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