So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
