Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
