You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
