Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
